Saturday, April 22, 2006

You Might Be an Old-School Christian Fundamentalist If...

1. If you refer to the NIV translation of the Bible as "the Not Inspired Version"...

2. If you refuse to allow people to stamp your hand at amusement parks for fear it might be the Mark of the Beast...

3. If your school cheerleaders wore ankle-skirts hemmed with lead weights...

4. If you believe merely donating money to send Jews back to Israel qualifies as missionary work...

5. If you ever found yourself alone in the house as a child and feared you had missed the Rapture...

6. If you both know who Patch the Pirate is and like him (and I'm actually not ashamed to admit to this one)...

7. If you boycott Disney theme parks and movies but still watch ABC or ESPN...

8. If you consider Christians who don't believe in a 7-year Tribulation to be liberals...

9. If you consider John Walvoord, Hal Lindsey, and C. I. Scofield the top three theologians of the 20th century...

10. If you fear that mixed bathing may lead to dancing...

Then you might be an old-school Christian Fundamentalist.

8 comments:

  1. 6. If you both know who Patch the Pirate is and like him (and I'm actually not ashamed to admit to this one)...

    Dang it... now I have "Wiggle Worm" stuck in my head.

    Thanks.

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  2. That's really funny.

    I think that is the most clean cut pirate I have ever seen. He would get laughed off the ship.

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  3. Actually, Patch captained his own ship: The Jolly Roger. He called the shots from his deck. And I always remember that one song called "the Poochy-Lip disease." Can't remember which adventure that was from though.

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  4. Points.... 1, 5, 6, 8 ... guilty.

    So am I 40% Old School?

    We need to add something about AWANA in there, "have handed out tracts on a street corner", "church has a fixed podium that cannot, barring an act of God, be moved", and lastly believes that such acts of God do not really take place today.

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  5. Well, Traveler, notice that the post only said you might be an old-school if you resemble any one of these remarks. It's intentionally vague.

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  6. Vintage Winters material!
    Very funny.

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  7. A complimentary comment from Dr. Van Neste...

    The ultimate badge of honor!

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  8. Anonymous10:02 PM

    Your crazy sister
    Nice Adam,I like it.And we both like Patch the Pirate!

    ReplyDelete